Hobos and Gypsies

Last night my friend and I went on an adventure in which the whole goal was to contract hepetitis C. Seriously, there is nothing more compelling then the thought of getting a disease that doesn't have a cure, destroys your liver and turns your eyes yellow. Imagine that, yellow eyes for crying out loud! I hear that all the girls in Asia love a guy with yellow eyes. So last night's goal was really just to get ourselves looking hot for the asian nation. Three words, Rush Hour 3!!! That actually turned out to be two words and one number. Snap. Speaking of Asian's we also located the restaurant "China China" which has evaded me for years. Now I feel much better because they have the best seasame-seed chicken. I almost said that they have the best orange chicken but that would be a dirty lie. Panda Express has the best orange chicken. Not the best bathrooms, but for sure the best orange chicken. The Farm Grill has the best bathrooms. Stop by to take a dump sometime. Anywho back to the pursuit to destroy our immune system, the local light rail seemed like a good place to start so we hopped on and rode downtown being very careful to touch all of the hand rails and to sit in all the seats. There are no seat belts in the light rail. And basically zero supervision. Next time we're briging a laptop to watch a movie. A laptop and a pizza. Why not, I like laptops and I defininetly like pizza. I do not particularly like the homeless. Hmmm, something tells me the pizza might make the homeless curious. Ok scratch the pizza we'll just bring the laptop, and a gun. Well my friend thought it would be a good idea to strike up a conversation with a nice old man who was also waiting for the train. A nice old man that liked to talk and talk and talk. Mostly about prostitutes and bong hits. Apparently the kind man had recently taken no less than 13 bong hits and then promptly died. That's right, he was back from the dead. Luckily for us his grandson who was also apparently getting lit with his grand pappy at the time, had the frame of mind to take action and punched the old man in the chest and revived him from his "hydro" overload. I apoloigze half-heartedly for the poor poor grammar used in that last sentence. I've actually never heard of anyone dying from weed. High speed accidents, yes, cancer, yes, shark attack, yes. Too many hits from the bong... No. And that was where the senior citizen lost his credibility with me.

Sun N' Sands Motel (Huntington Beach, CA)

I just got back from I think my third year in a row of 4th of July Huntington style. I was planning on staying in town this year, (probably because I wrecked on my long board last week and hit my globe which caused me to momentarily not want to do anything fun, don't worry, I'm cured now) but luckily my friend Mark sent me a text while I was sitting at my desk bored out of my mind and so I jumped at the opportunity to pack a car full of dudes and head for the waves. That's right, no ladies on this trip, I like to mange my operations with a BYOG (bring your own girls) policy but this time we threw up a hail mary and made a run for it sans the estrogen. We stayed at a lovely hole in the wall motel right on the PCH just a few blocks north or the pier in Huntington. Here are the first three reviews you'll find of the motel if you take a gander on the world wide web:

1.We had our most horrible hotel-motel experience in our life in this place. The lady at the front desk had an attitude from the moment we walked in. The non-smoking room we got have been heavily smoked in, the rooms were dirty and roach-infested. Will never go back even at gunpoint.

2.My friend recently stayed at this hotel and was robbed at gunpoint opening the door to his room. (Speaking of gunpoint haha!)

3.It is a gorgeous spot right across from the beach, but rooms are small and worn, there is NO A/C (I missed that in other reviews) and even our ceiling fan didn't work well. Paper thin walls mean it's a gamble if you have kids or want to sleep (No joke, there was no AC, the water from the shower was nice and cold though so that helped in the cooling process)

Anyways despite the rough reviews the place really was great and we had no problems with the lack of AC. I saw zero roaches. I did however see the next door neighbor in her underwear. Twice. Of course in classic style this was not a neighbor that you wanted to see in her undies so lets not get excited. And no I didn't snap any pictures so don't ask to see them.
Rolling 5 dudes deep might seem a little risky but I can honestly say that we had a great time with no casualties and no evident c-blocking. I even slept pretty comfortably even after Kenny filled my head with ideas of what liquids the bed cover might have on it.

I learned some things about myself this weekend. First I realized to my dismay that I might be the only person in the world without a six-pack. I mean goodness, don't people have anything better to do with their time than sit-ups? My abs are not chiseled. I need to work on that. I also learned that if you wreck (noticing a pattern here?) on your long board in front of a bunch of people, the easiest way to play it off is to pretend that you're intoxicated. Last but not least I've decided that even though the Mormon beach scene is full of tools, if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I look forward to continuing this tradition for as long as I remain single. And a tool.