Wilderness Survival

I'm pretty sure I've enjoyed camping for as long as I've been able to breathe. That's right, immediately after leaving the womb I grabbed a leatherman, cut the umbilical cord and promptly pitched a tent. I mean set up a tent. This weekend I rounded up my favorite red headed camping co-pilot and headed down a pavement road to a dirt road to a camp site underneath some power lines. I'm not really sure where we were but I'm pretty sure that everyone else was there too. I don't love busy camping areas. I prefer to be in complete solitude. Lessons learned while camping, if they look fake, they are. If you're with a marathon runner, don't ask him about it. If you're not invited, don't show up. Right before dinner. With nothing to offer other than a push up bra. Ok so maybe that would be adequate but lose 40lbs first. Don't drink and fish. If you drink and fish, don't fall in the lake. If you do drink, fish, and fall in the lake, take in a few lungs full of water and check out. If you plan on camping in a tent, it will rain. Water is bad for dutch ovens. Very very bad. It's hard to wash your hands after using the bathroom. If you're a girl it's hard to use the bathroom period. If you're a girl on your period, don't go camping. Period.